How To Get a Con Girlfriend: A lesson in overcoming B.O. and desperation

Step one: Come prepared for the heat.

Make sure to bring an assortment of heavy duty, extra strength deodorants in bar or spray form. Keep them at hand in case of increased heat or physical activity, like group hugs, spontaneous pokemon tournaments or intense glomping. Remember, posing for photos can be strenuous, especially when your prop is as tall as you are.
You are bound to sweat so wearing another layer underneath your costume will conveniently soak up excess moisture. Donning a thin undershirt will prevent drenching your homemade duds as you compete in LARP tournaments, battle fellow fans to reach a rare anime series on sale in the Dealers Room, or flail your limbs wildly at the outdoor rave.

Step two: Become one with the costume.

You didn’t spend countless late nights stitching by the glow of your Wii console to look like a schmuck at the convention, so make sure you can rock your threads. Details are everything. Take the time to double check your costume for any missing elements because you’re only as valuable as the authenticity of your footwear, gear and make-up. Bring extra supplies along in the devastating event that a face smearing mishap occurs or your key sword is damaged in an overenthusiastic run in with the heartless.

Getting hot in that mask? Removing it will spell your failure. If one con girl spies you looking more like you than your character then you can wave goodbye to epic, fantasy themed sex. No girl will bestow those memorized lines of undying love from your favourite series if you aren’t 100% legit.
Step three: Try to have some class. This time.

If you see a sexy Kairi or Riku walk by with their tits popping out of their tops, avoid openly staring and stalking them for the remainder of the weekend. If you get excited, try to hide it and momentarily distract yourself by looking at the guy in the skin tight team rocket costume. If you do happen to get in close proximity with a hottie aim your sights on her face instead of her rack and prevent a nasty reaction.
In reality a woman can still go Love Hina on your ass and slug you into the parking lot if she thinks you’re a jerk. There is still time to seduce her into your hotel room and play out scenes from your cherished final episodes, but you’re never going to get there if you’re too obvious. You may look like a sex-starved Otaku, but try not to act like one.

Back to Reality.

If these tips seem likely to guarantee nabbing a con girlfriend then there is something seriously wrong with today’s anime obsessed youth. At my first Anime North convention on May 23rd I sat in on the latter half of a panel discussion literally called “How To Get a Con Girlfriend.” With the exception of step three (which I had to throw in) this was a sample of the types of suggestions doled out by a panel to a group of guys. It was a very strange and enlightening lesson in male cosplaying culture.

A guy dressed as Master Roshi from Dragon Ball Z actually enquired about how to avoid odours offensive to the opposite sex while travelling around with a giant turtle shell strapped to his back. Despite the fact that B.O. was as thick as smog in high traffic areas of the convention body odour should be the least of a guy’s worries. How about….oh I don’t know….just act naturally and talk to women?

Another guy wanted to know how to not appear desperate when meeting women at the convention and relayed that con women he meets tend to be more desperate than he is, proven by the fact that he was able to “miraculously” have sex with one. This line of thought just made me sorry for the entire room…especially when this story was met with wild applause, cheering and one excited male who rushed over and high-fived the guy for his apparent achievement. He wasn’t even bad looking, but obviously thought that he wasn’t worth much, if a girl fucking a guy who writes fan fiction is miraculous.
What I got out of this discussion was a glimpse into the insecurities men may feel because their interests don’t adhere to mainstream male gender constructed pastimes of competitive sports, per se.

Men who enjoy anime culture are not hideous mutants that repel every woman they see. The fact that some guys who are so absorbed in anime can feel that way indicates to me that they struggle with their self esteem. The panel resembled a grade three classroom where boys assumed girls were foreign creatures and unattainable due to their strange taste for cartoons.

A hobby is a hobby. Essentially the guy underneath all the gear and props is what a woman will be getting to know. Finding a girl who is interesting to talk to at a cosplay event is the same as meeting a girl at a party or a bar. He may not be wearing a pokemon trainer outfit and she may not be dressed as bulbasaur but that's obviously beside the point. And wearing deodorant may help, but it definitely won't guarantee capture.

Feisty feminist porn on the big screen

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Feminist Porn Awards- Lady love all round

“I absolutely love fucking you!” exclaims Madison Young on stage to her co-actress, Ryan Dylan, as she clutches the first butt plug awarded this evening in Berkeley Church. The porn director and actress has just won the award for hottest kink movie, with her film “Perversions of Lesbian Lust, Vol. 1”, at Good for Her’s 4th annual Feminist Porn Awards.

Tonight feminist porn creators, actors and enthusiasts have gathered in everything from gowns to jeans to celebrate the achievements of the feminist porn community. On stage Young resembles a modern Aphrodite with her golden, open chest gown, matching pasties and tumbling strawberry blonde curls.

“We’re making waves in feminism one orgasm at a time,’ she says, wrapping up her acceptance speech.

Onlookers occupy the U-shaped second story of the church-turned-theatre, supported by white columns. On the ground level the audience occupies two rows of chairs in front of a giant screen on stage, which projects short erotic scenes from winning film makers as they accept their anal plug shaped awards.

In a brief clip from the Crash Pad Series 2 – Unlocked, winner of the steamiest trans scene, we see a woman in a black bra and panties whimpering as the tattooed woman on top of her bites her neck, pushes her down into the bed sheets and smacks her ass. The once rambunctious church is silent, save the occasional randy yell of approval. When the scene ends the audience erupts into cheering. The temperature has definitely raised a few notches.

Ryerson student and documentary film maker Joanne Loton graces the stage in a purple, layered number to announce the winner of the golden beaver award for Canadian content and most sensual softcore. Mimi Balfour nabs both for her flick “Man of my Dreams,” which involves the stereotypical studs, a cop and a blue collar repairman who both find a woman ready and willing to make love in their apartments. We catch a short glimpse of some sultry lighting and defined abdominal muscles which seem more at home in your typical City TV porno night.

The diverse male posse, Boylesque, delivers the awards on stage tonight, donning old school ties, suspenders, collared shirts and hats. “The more clips we present the more naked they get,” announces Deb Pearce, our host of the evening, with a blonde mullet and a flashy belt buckle.
Next, Coco La Crème takes the stage for her burlesque performance in a whirlwind of glowing, voluptuous mocha skin, turquoise feathers and glittering sequins. She turns her exposed cheeks to the audience, shaking them as she turns her head to give us a ruby lipped grin. Playing with her feathered skirt, she slips it off to expose a curvy stomach and thighs before yanking at her bra straps playfully with her thumbs. The bra goes flying, revealing golden nipple tassles adorning her generous breasts which rotate in wide arches as she winks with an aqua painted eye lid.

Throughout the evening Pearce reprimands the talkative bar crowd at the rear of the theatre. She wanders through the throng grasping her microphone, an image which is tattooed on her wrist, and interrupts chatting couples. “I’m the asshole trying to shush you tonight,” she says, beer in hand. With a white rose amidst a bob of curls framing her heart-shaped face, Courtney Trouble, owner of nofauxxx.com, gets a little teary eyed when accepting the award for most deliciously diverse cast. A preview of her winning film, “Roulette”, features two boys with Mohawks, jeans down around their bare, pale asses, stroking each other’s cocks on a rooftop.

Next the male and female heart throbs of the year are announced. Tyler Knight, an actor whose chocolate brown member is stroked two-handedly on screen is not present, but the spiky haired brunette, Dylan Ryan, gasps wide eyed with her hands clasped over her lips at the announcement. She accepts the awards after we glimpse a clip of her climaxing. “I’m completely honored,” she says and pauses, biting her lip. “This is an incredible business to be in, I’m very lucky and I’m very happy that you like the work that I do.” Alison Lee, the head organizer of the awards files on stage alongside the entire Good for Her crew to recognize their efforts. “Isn’t it fun showing porn in a church?” says Carlyle Jansen, in a corset and black shirt, while handing bouquets to the sex shop employees.
By now the butt plug delivery boys have stripped down to their briefs and Young gets on her hands and knees to hunt among the boy’s prominent packages for her second award of the night, indie porn pioneer of the year. She wanks off a man in yellow who’s bent forward, holding the prize above his ass, out of her sight. The audience is cracking up and someone yells, “I don’t think you’re going to find it in there.” “This is who I am. This is part of my art, of breathing,” says Young, after finally securing her award. We watch a clip of her being led with a chain around her neck by her then blonde-haired master, Ryan, who wears black platform stilettos. “I am so sick of seeing BDSM compared to torture. I’m really trying to destroy those stigmas,” Young says in a rush, her voice rising.

After a risqué lip-synching performance by Daddy K and the Rhythm Method troupe the evening wraps up with the movie of the year. “I was actually supposed to be in Ottawa getting banged right now,” says the Sasha Van Bon Bon, a member of The Scandelles burlesque troupe and Eye Weekly's sex columnist. She purses her lips, eyes scanning the audience and continues to say that she couldn’t pass up the opportunity to give the award for a film that got her so riled up she had to take three people home to deal with the situation in her panties. “There was no safe word that night,” she says.

Director Syd Blakovich wins for her women boxing themed film “Champion.” Wearing a vest with holsters and a sleeve of tattoos on her arm, she announces on stage, “I get nervous when I’m wearing clothes,” and proceeds to pull down her white trousers, revealing brief-style panties. She gives her acceptance speech rather quickly, blushing and laughing as Young kneels, placing her face in her director’s crotch for some public end of the night lip service.

*As published in mutedmag.com, with photo credits to Lana Paiement

Feminist porn gala teaser

There will be more extensive coverage of the fourth annual Feminist Porn Awards, hosted by Good for Her, coming soon. For now, warm up with this sneak peak from Xtra, Toronto’s printed source of queer news and culture. You will meet the rowdy host of the evening, Deb, “Dirk” Pearce, the queen bee organizer/manager herself, Alison Lee, and a slough of amazing directors and actors up for butt plug trophies.

A review of Feisty Feminist Porn on the Big Screen, the second night of the event is also coming your way, complete with commentary from the director panel discussion. Get ready for an extensive look at Toronto’s growing festival that celebrates the sexy, powerful, independent ladies taking control of the camera.

Lights acoustic

Wen-Do self-defence worth defending

Genevieve Weigel was skipping class, riding the deserted subway back and forth between Kipling and Kennedy when three older male teens entered her car. One sat beside her. When he asked the 15-year-old for her phone number she didn’t feel threatened, but then he placed his hand on her thigh.

Weigel shoved it off and rose to leave, standing taller than the trio. When the groper blocked her way and told her she wasn’t going anywhere she responded with the angry, gut wrenching yell she learned in Wen-Do. “Back off!” She struck him in the gut and he buckled to the floor.

Another guy wrapped his arms around her from behind. She instinctively shoved her body backwards, smashing him into the connecting subway door, and rammed her heel up into his groin. He collapsed. The third did nothing as she pressed the yellow emergency strip, the doors closing behind her as she walked out of the subway car, which had just arrived at a station. Shaken, she told the conductor what had occurred, and left.

Weigel, who served as this year’s events coordinator for Ryerson’s Women’s Centre, took her first Wen-Do Women’s Self Defence class when she was 12-years old.

What she experienced on public transit is the kind of success story that women share in Wen-Do.

Growing up she was usually stronger than the boys in her classes and often beat them in arm wrestling matches. When she was told that girls are weaker than boys she knew otherwise. “That always seemed like bullshit to me,” said Weigel.

Wen-Do exposed Weigel to her first feminist framework. “It was almost a revelation, like ‘Oh my God, I’m not by myself in this, and women are powerful and I knew somebody knew that,” she said loudly, her crimson lips parting in a broad smile.

Wen-Do originated in 1972 and is Canada’s longest running women’s self defence organization, as well as a registered charity. It was developed in Toronto by Ned and Ann Paige in response to the murder of Catherine Genovese in New York, who was stabbed and killed in 1964 within earshot of 38 neighbours, none of which called the police.

Wen-Do is endorsed by the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre and taught entirely by women, for women and girls (ages 10 and up) of all ages, sizes, physical and mental abilities. Physical and verbal techniques are interspersed with open discussion of violence against women and girls from an anti-oppressive, feminist perspective. Wen-Do emphasizes three goals: awareness, avoidance and action.

Deb Chard has been teaching Wen-Do full-time for 20 years, and taught Weigel’s first introductory course. She explains that self-defence means surviving and doesn’t always require punching or kicking.

She leans forward, elbows resting on her knees, her pale blonde hair short and textured. “We’re looking at doing the least amount of self defence possible to run away,” she said, hands clasped, eyes fixed on each of us intently. “That’s what this is all about. I hope I never have to do this but these are some tools that I have in my tool box.”

After centuries of being told certain outfits and behaviour cause harassment and abuse women accept it as truth, said Chard. It’s common to hear, “But I was asking for it.” If you wear those revealing clothes, drink, or go out alone late at night and something happens it’s your fault. From childhood we are taught to modify our behaviour but in Wen-Do we discuss how skimpy skirts have nothing to do with it.

“Women have been raped in every imaginable article of clothing that you can think of,” said Chard. Clothing becomes the justification, diverting attention from where the real responsibility lies.

Chard explains that when womanized men experience sexual assault in prison it indicates the reality of rape power dynamics over a group. Suggesting that low cut prison outfits instigate rape is ridiculous. If we can understand this about men, why can’t we understand it about women?

Our Wen-Do instructor Denise Handlarski is lying on her back as a woman in a loose, pink t-shirt is bent over the face, straddling her waist and clasping her wrists down against the carpeted floor. It’s April 5 and I’m taking a free 15-hour Wen-Do course at York University, organized by York’s Sexual Assault Survivors’ Support Line (SASSL). Eleven of us are seated in a circle on the floor of a brightly lit room in the student centre, watching Handlarski demonstrate a defence manoeuvre for a pinned scenario.

Anne Rajesparam, an officer and training coordinator for SASSL, stands bent over facing the woman in the pink, arms hooked under her armpits in preparation to support her. When each woman confirms they are ready Handlarski pulls her heels against her butt and digs them into the floor while quickly snapping up her hips.

She simultaneously slides her arms down to her sides, resembling a snow angel motion as her “attacker” is launched forward over her head and into Rajesparam’s arms, emitting a loud gasp. Realistically, if an attacker pinned you while in bed the “bump” might send them headfirst into the headboard or the wall.

Over the course of the weekend we alternate between practicing physical techniques, verbal tactics and group discussions with breaks in between. In pairs we repeat hits into cushions, focussing on tightening our hands, breathing and yelling. We learn a variety of strikes, kicks and blocks in addition to wrist and choke releases, defence against weapons, and group attack strategies.

Handlarski’s dark, defined curls hang at the nape of her neck and she wears thin black glasses when she isn’t demonstrating attack defences. She instructs us to inhale and exhale while executing defensive attacks, saying “hut.” The “h” breath opens up the diaphragm ending with a “t” sound that prevents us from biting our tongues.

Yelling during a strike enables adrenaline and oxygen to fuse in the bloodstream, preventing us from freezing when afraid. It also provides a rush of energy and can surprise the attacker.

Handlarski reiterates that we’re not using strength against strength but using our larger body parts against the attacker’s weaker, smaller targets, such as a heel palm strike to the nose, a low kick to the shin, or a hammer fist to the collar bone.

These attacks are all examples of soft Wen-Do, which are not likely to cause permanent damage to most healthy individuals. Hard Wen-Do is a technique that could be fatal or cause permanent damage, such as knuckle jab to the windpipe or a strike to the temple.

Learning the differences between soft and hard Wen-Do is important in the context of the Canadian legal system, according to Sue Kernoham, a detective and coordinator at Toronto’s Sexual Assault Crimes Unit. Although every woman has the right to fight back, they have to work within the law and use reasonable force, says Kernoham.

If an attacker punches you and you retaliate by stabbing them that is excessive force. “It’s a really grey area, and all situations are unique. You need to be able to articulate why you used as much force as you did (in court),” she said.
Handlarski gestures to the white calligraphy on her black tank top representing the Wen-Do symbol. In the centre is the Japanese character for “woman” surrounded by a circle, which she calls the line of justice. Women need to trust their instincts and give themselves permission to act, which can also mean escaping a dangerous situation. “I want you to believe you’re worth defending,” Handlarski said, looking around the circle at us.

Weigel thinks it could be realistic for the Women’s Centre to ensure that a full, 15-hour Wen-Do course is available to women at Ryerson. She hopes to volunteer with next year’s coordinators and gain support from the Office of Discrimination and Harassment Prevention Services and the Ryerson Students’ Union (RSU) to subsidize expenses.

Full Wen-Do workshops regularly cost $100 a person, which the Women’s Centres’ budget can’t currently cover.

Toby Whitfield, the RSU vice-president of finances and services says that if the Women’s Centre requires additional funding for a student event, the Board of Directors will decide whether or not to incorporate it into next year’s budget. “If the priority for the Women’s Centre is to do something like this we would work to see if we could make that happen,” said Whitfield.

Another option for women on campus is Rape Aggression Defence for Women, a free, four-day course taught by Ryerson’s Security and Emergency Services Team. R.A.D. classes run once a semester but additional classes can be requested, says instructor Tanya Fermin-Poppleton.

Workshops focus on avoidance of threats in daily surroundings, like walking to and from the subway. Up to 12 women can attend R.A.D. and upcoming sessions are posted on the Security Services website as well as security bulletins around campus.

Having experienced sexual violence, Weigel wants to use Wen-Do as a way of regaining her voice and hopes to become an instructor someday. She feels that Wen-Do empowers women by discussing and experiencing what we can do as opposed to what we can’t.

“It really deals with how women are powerful, not just that they are oppressed and victims. Most of the time we resist and most of the time we’re successful and I think that needs to be something that women are taught.”

*Published in the May edition of The Ryerson Free Press