Sexy Lady Party at Ryerson's Women's Centre

“I’m going to show you my vulva, which is really exciting for me,” says Renee Pilgrim, smiling at the eight women seated on an afghan around her. A plate of chocolate covered strawberries sits in the centre of the circle, and tiny candles flicker at the edges.

With wavy hair pulled into a low ponytail she leans back and spreads her legs, and for a second I wonder if I’m comfortable with this kind of educational experience, until she reaches behind herself and pulls out a colourful vulva puppet.

I’m at a sex toy party on a Thursday evening, hosted by the Ryerson Women’s Centre in Oakham House, where we’re receiving a crash course on satisfactory self-serve lovin’.

Pilgrim works at Good for Her, a female friendly sex shop in Toronto, and has been teaching workshops for 3 years. Between discussions of our lovely lady parts, self pleasure, porn, and safe sex, she encourages us to voice our thoughts and questions.

“Sex is something you have to have an open mind about,” says first year journalism student, Kristen Millar, who feels confident sharing her experiences in a female environment. “If we’re discussing it, it’s positive, to get women empowered and break down negative societal stereotypes.”
Before using a plush vulva to give us an intimate tour of our anatomy, Pilgrim explains how students low on cash can find alternative sex props. Play the pervertables game.

“I go to the dollar store and look at what I can fuck myself with”, she says, with a grin, “You can go in with five bucks and come out with three or four toys.” Suddenly beads, brushes, and clothes pins serve entirely new functions.

So does vaginal fluid. “Just rub it all over your face. It’s really good for your complexion,” chimes Pilgrim, to a chorus of laughter.

Between passing around vibrators, curved phalluses, strap-ons and pornography we address the fact that there is no shame in dedicating time to the pursuit of individual sexual pleasure.

Pilgrim points out that many women purchase sex toys to improve the relationship with their partner, “but who’s that orgasm for?” It’s about developing a relationship with our bodies, she says, motioning to herself. “This is the only thing you can fully control, what goes in and what goes out.”

She suggests making a schedule to explore your body. To do: tits on Wednesday, ass on Friday. “Bums don’t get enough attention,” says Pilgrim, fixing us with a serious look.

In the end we learn some basic tips about manual stimulation 101. Cleaning your toys with soap and water is much safer than some cleaners available in stores, because as Pilgrim says, “If you can’t eat it, don’t put it in you.” You can also sterilize silicone by boiling it.

And if you want to do some warm up stretches in anticipation of the night ahead, do some kegel exercises on your subway ride. They can turn your pussy “on”, so to speak, by activating blood flow to the vulva. Pilgrim mentioned another benefit, “When you’re 69 you won’t pee yourself.”

When it comes to masturbation and sex, Pilgrim definitely emphasized exploring our self pleasure instead of expecting someone to hand it to us. And it doesn’t have to be a clock in, clock out job. Servicing yourself can be as sensual and rewarding as you make it, just make some time to play a perverted game or two.

*Also featured on theeyeopener.com - Ryerson University's student run newspaper