Speech to a "guy I almost slept with"

What I find very interesting about this commercial on youtube is that many males who commented on the video only had negative things to say. Along the lines of "She's spewing feminist bullshit," "she sounds so annoying," ect. ect. My issue is this, any smart, educated, woman who cares about her health and well-being is going to practice safe-sex. Period.

You don't have to be a self-identifying feminist to feel this way, you just have to be intelligent. Its clear and simple. Any guy who feels that this attitude is "annoying," or a "turn off," needs to take some time and think about whether he respects women or not.

I love the message of this commercial, delivered in a unique dialogue. She is not going to settle for less, and she was the one with the condom. Despite the assumptions that some people make, protection is not just a male responsibility, its a woman's too.

The fact that he had to hear that...think about it, and then say "OK, you win!" does not guarantee that he'll get any whoopee. Very refreshing.

Ca-yute!

The "F" Word

The “F” word or the “F” bomb. If you drop this loaded word in public it can very possibly result in a nasty reaction. It’s a word of power. A word of strength, equality and respect. It’s a word that can be used for good, a word that educates, but it can also be misinterpreted. It should be a word that brings us together, but unfortunately it can result in a divide of understanding. The word is feminism.

Today I happened to hear a lot of women articulate what the word feminism meant to them, and it really opened my eyes to the diverse array of experiences and meanings this word encapsulates for each individual.
Sadly, many people today (especially young people) regard this term as a relic of the past. Society has turned feminism into the new “F” word. “Didn’t they burn bras?” people will enquire. “They’re man-haters or dykes,” is another crude, uneducated response. These are typical reactions, and not even the worst. If someone actually had the nerve to say, “Feminists just need a good fuck,” within earshot of me I would feel the need to blatantly express my offence, whether they claimed to be joking or not.

Feminism has been warped into a negative stereotype. People either don’t believe it is necessary, or they label it as something threatening, bitchy, or anti-male. If you really take a good look around at the world, and I say world because women’s rights is a global issue, not just a North American one, then you will see that we are not yet equal. But it can be hard for some people to see beyond their white, middle class, privileged, democratic bubble, living in a place like Canada or the United States.

The reality is that despite living in a democratic country, equality still doesn’t exist for all women: For women who immigrated from another country, who don’t speak english as their first language, who are single mothers, who don’t have access to safe, legal abortions, who are not provided with free, adequate sexual education, who are denied the use of birth control, Plan B, or other safe-sex options, who don’t look Caucasian, who are denied jobs based on their gender/race or appearance, who are not paid the same as men for work of equal value, who are not of a heterosexual orientation, who are not able-bodied, who support a family while working a full-time, minimum wage job, who are below the poverty line, who are oppressed due to religious and cultural family traditions, who have been verbally assaulted on the streets or transit system, who have been sexually, emotionally, financially and spiritually abused, who don’t feel safe walking alone at night, who were discouraged from pursuing jobs predominantly filled by men, who feel fat every time they look at an advertisement, who are told by the media that they need to constantly strive to fit the “beauty” standard, who are encouraged to enhance their bodies through plastic surgery, who are told that once they get wrinkles and grey hairs they can no longer be sexy or beautiful, who are made to believe that if they sleep with multiple sexual partners they are a slut, and if they refuse they are a frigid prude, who feel pressured to try every acne cream, weight loss pill and lip plumper on the market, who are forced to fill the domestic role in their household, who encounter a glass ceiling in workplace promotions, who work long hours in unsafe conditions with no benefits, who are called bitch, cunt, or whore, degradingly based on gender, and who encounter sexist stereotypes based solely on their looks or background.
For all these women and many more, we are not treated as equals. Feminism has come a long way in fighting for women’s rights, but there are still many areas that need to improve in order for women to truly have control over their bodies, sexuality, safety, jobs, education and social encounters. The unjust experiences that women endure don’t cease to exist outside your city, province, or country. They connect us all, and should carry the same significance no matter where they occur.

To me, being a feminist means feeling empowered in your womanhood, in your own beauty, worth, and intelligence without basing your value on the traditional standards of femininity that we may have grown up with. For me feminism is about having control over your reproductive health, sexual expression and your body.
It’s about knowing that you don’t have to model the projected “norm” in society in order to be considered a woman. You needn’t feel like you have to paint your nails, shave your armpits, pluck your eyebrows, scrub toilets on a regular basis, follow all the latest fashion trends, cook a 4 course meal flawlessly, single-handedly raise your children, or please your man in bed with 10 sexy techniques, unless that’s what you want to do. Feminism is about being your own person, living by your own standards and realizing that you are not bound by the female gender norms created by society.

The word also doesn’t exclude men, in my opinion. If a man stands behind women’s rights, and advocates actively for equality through thoughts, words or actions then I believe he is a feminist. Regardless of having privilege or not, there are men who aren’t ashamed to call themselves a feminist, and I think that’s a very admirable thing that shouldn’t be discouraged by making feminism a gender exclusive term. There’s nothing that can be gained by pushing people away from a positive belief, only something to be lost.
Feminism means something different to everyone, whether you classify yourself as a liberal, radical, marxist, something undefined or in between the spectrums. The word encompasses a unique set of core values and beliefs for each individual. It could sum up your entire personality or only represent one part of the way you see yourself. Either way, the next time you hear feminism being referred to as the “F” word, consider how it is expressed in your thoughts, values or actions. How do you define it?

Try a little tenderness!

Ohhh Duckie, you will always have a place in my heart. Pretty in Pink is a pretty timeless portrayal of teenage tendencies to ostracize anyone who seems “different” or is labelled as impoverished, strange, or belonging to a subculture that deviates from the “norm.” It is interesting how the rich, white, suburban kids are considered the “normal teenager.” They set the standard in the film for how teens should dress, act, or what they purchase. I love how Duckie, and the red-headed recipient of his unrequited love represent “the other”, since they don’t look the same, shop from the same clothing store, or fit into the same economic status, demoting them to a lesser social category. All social analyzing aside, I adore how Duckie is brave enough to dance/ lip-sinc to this song. He is truly an exceptional guy. I would have chosen him over the preppy guy any day. He also makes me want to dance.

The Feminist Porn Debate

Now to delve into the endless debate, can porn actually be pro-woman, or feminist? Can porn reflect actual female desire and pleasure, and be filmed under ethical, safe, respectful conditions, with women at the helm of producing and writing creative content.

Well I say, hell ya! I attended the Feminist Porn Awards screening, hosted by Good For Her last April in Toronto and saw numerous examples of legitimate, empowering female pleasure on the big screen. The films were independently produced, with real women celebrating their sexuality for themselves and women everywhere, not just for a male meat-wanking audience.

Alison Lee, the manager of Torono’s feminist sex shop, Good For Her, organized the awards last year and actively works to bring a large variety of independent porn DVD’s into her store. She published the feature article in the November/Decemeber issue of This Magazine, entitled “The New Face of Porn,” about her own experience as a feminist to accept and celebrate feminist porn, and the historical backlash against pornography from certain feminist groups. Below is also a video of Alison inside Good For Her, sharing her thoughts about the article and her own experiences with porn.

Reading this article really got me thinking about my own feelings about porn and its capacity to empower women as opposed to demeaning them. I truly feel that the women behind and in front of the camera don’t have to be victimized as moral-less women who need to be saved and were forced into this line of work as a bankrupt last resort. Some of them make porn or act in porn because they truly want to change the face of pornography today and cater to female pleasure while showcasing the beauty of natural women with curves, queer and trans women, women with disabilities, women of different ethnicities, and women who look like everyday women, not an unattainable standard of “plastic” beauty.
Bren Ryder films and features real lesbian sex in Gooddykeporn.com

Loree Erickson is a queer-femmegimp who showcases her own sexy times in "Want"

Although when it comes to feminist porn, many debate whether certain sexual acts can be defined as “feminist”, such as cum shots, anal penetration or anything that could be construed as degrading. First of all, what gets some women sopping wet could potentially turn a whole crowd of ladies right off, and that’s part of the beauty of pornography. It can individually cater to our desires, and what I desire may not even remotely resemble what you vibrate to, so get over it already. Each of us has a parcel of unique fetish’s, and as long as it isn’t something that obviously inflicts unwanted, serious pain on a woman, then you don’t have to watch it if you find it offensive. If some women relish having semen on their face, tits or ass, well, power to them, they have a right to enjoy and participate in that on screen if they so choose, and any woman at home has the privilege of revelling in observing it. What makes one woman a feminist isn’t true for another, so trying to fit every single sexual act under some umbrella “feminist” definition isn’t likely to happen anytime soon. Spanking, bondage, and many other kinks are specific to your arousal, so this discussion will likely continue for as long as porn does.

Erika Lust is a feminist film maker featuring hot, steamy stories for women

But it is very rewarding and admirable to witness some independent companies led by women who are trying to get diverse, natural, female-driven, sexy feminist porn out there for women who are tired of watching tanned, bleached, hairless, cellulite-free women who look like they were fashioned by surgeons to feed male desire.

Porn should also reflect female-desire, and most of us don’t look like plastic “dolls”, so I’m glad there are examples of real women and real sex out there for this generation of girls who are discovering their sexuality and aren’t shamed of it.