Sea of pink champagne

Head warm and buzzing gently
Floating in pink champagne
Light, frothy
Suspended
Bubbling, flowing
Cascading through my fingertips
easy
simple
playful
one more time
Then I jogged home

Teens get the sex-toy-shaft

Under 18 and want a dildo, but plug, or flesh light?

No dice, my friend. Despite the fact that age of consent for sexual activity in Canada is 16, sex retailers (including online shops) still bar access to anyone under 18 years old. Xtra, Toronto's gay and lesbian bi-weekly newspaper, recently covered this issue in their March 12 issue, entitled “Teens get the shaft in the struggle for sex toys.”

So why is there a double standard when it comes to teens exploring their sexuality? They can do the deed but are denied access from buying the props to enhance solo or joint pleasure.
Apparently a Metro Toronto bylaw regulates the display of pornographic images to ensure that they aren’t showcased in broad daylight for minors to see. So instead of obscuring pornographic merchandise, many stores choose to openly exhibit porn alongside toys and prevent those under 18 from entering. For sex stores, satisfying the by-law results in limited satisfaction for minors who want to explore the titillating realm of naughty playthings. The message that this sends to youth is summed up perfectly by author, Andrew Innis.

“Having sex with someone is acceptable, but exploring your own body by masturbating with anything more than your own hands is not.”

Many teens may not be satisfied by the prospect of DIY cucumber foreplay. I know I wasn’t.
I remember clearly the first time I tried entering a sex shop with a group of friends. I was the only one who got carded and dejected, forced the group to leave. I felt unfairly excluded from browsing the options of sexual play and exploring my own pleasure. Why, when teens are curious, educated and horny, should they be barred from discovering what gives them the best hot, pulsing climaxes they can have?

Not every teen is ready to get raw and intimate with their naughty bits but restricting exploration is not only discouraging to sexual comfort, it’s counterproductive.

It sends the message that teen masturbation and foreplay isn’t up for discussion and it isn’t accepted. Stifling sexuality as “inappropriate” creates feelings of shame or embarrassment in young adults who already receive a lot of contradictory messages about sex from their parents, religious institutions, school, friends and the media.

The masturbation phobia of the 18th century created a fearful and restrictive atmosphere around the concept of self pleasure. Medical professionals warned against the sinful activity that could result in anything from death to insanity, vision and hearing problems or epilepsy. Young boys were restricted from having or manipulating an erection through various preventative devices. These sure look fun.
Parents may not be placing a clitoris-cage on their daughters these days but when young women are discouraged from viewing pleasure-enhancing tools they are given the message that they shouldn’t be looking for a plastic replica to get them off because only the real thing is acceptable in their twat.

Young women would only benefit from learning more about their own anatomy and what gets them wet. In sex education as teens we are told that a penis is inserted into a vagina and he reaches satisfaction. End of story. Slam-bam-thank-you-m’am. But is that all teenage girls should expect from sex? What about their sweaty, messy, world-quaking orgasms? Why shouldn’t they be able to learn about the possibilities for pleasure that are available to them at the tip of a curved, water-proof, bead-rotating, ribbed, throbbing vibrator? As they say, practice makes perfect….
When you know what gets you off you can also communicate that sensory knowledge with your sexual partners, instead of fumbling awkwardly and engaging in possibly regrettable, unwanted or harmful experimentation. That journey to find multiple, long, mind blowing orgasms will ultimately help teens become more confident lovers because they will know what they want and what they don’t. When you become intimately acquainted with your pleasure you are more likely to communicate your likes and dislikes and less prone to allow others to prod or poke you in a way that turns you off.

Sex toys can be great teachers and for a teen who is eager and willing to learn, why not leave the doors wide open?

LIGHTS in the city

"Iiiiiiiiiiiice. Iiiiiiiiiiiiiice." A chorus of voices elongate throughout the swelling crowd. There are too many headbands to count; oodles of them say LIGHTS, some even glow.

It’s a Saturday night at the Phoenix Concert Theatre. Tweens in tights are packed tightly in a bobbing, beaming mass as Lights smiles and points out over the crowd, conducting thick strands of voices as heavy as the heat on the dance floor. The raven haired pixie, whose sound so many have come to recognize (thanks Old Navy), bounces from side to side as her fingers fly over the keyboard before her. Her petite frame is accentuated in a tiny purple tee and black short skirt. “Cause all I see is you not feeling and you’re giving me nothing niiiiiiice. I tried to do you right, why’d you have to go and turn to iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.”

Recently this Canadian girl has been touring and finishing her first full length album, which is set to release in August or September.

“I just have to do a couple more mix tweaks and it’s done,” she says, over the phone from New York. “I’m really happy with it.”

Due to Much Music exposure and lots of radio airplay, her Canadian fans amount to much more than those in the States. She says that a lot of people south of the border discover her on the internet, as opposed to the radio, a new trend that has erupted with MySpace. Then there are her video blogs which spawned last fall on YouTube, where she posts updates about tours, the life and times of her pet spider, Lance, and discussions with talking shower curtains.

“I’m always looking for different ways to announce information,” she says. She cites one of her first episodes where she constructed a puppet version of herself, to announce the release of her EP in the States, bubble dialogue style. Watching her video blogs gives you the sense that her life unfolds comic-book-style, with lots of “zing’s” and ray guns. In a way, that’s the idea.

“So for people that are watching, I’m like, this is a cool way to get information out and people get to know your personality a bit more along the way.”

Though the process is time consuming, Lights is always concocting new methods for broadcasting fresh news. She doesn’t want fans to forget about her while she’s touring.

Apparently they are tuned in. After mentioning her obsession with beef jerky in one episode, concert-goers started bringing her the tasty treat. Other gifts include socks and cold medication.

“Some people bring me teddy bears of Lance, because they know that I miss him, it’s funny,” she says, a smile in her voice. The pair has faced their fair share of long-distance issues (watch YouTube episodes 18 and 19 for some background).

I ask how Lance is adapting to the Lights doll replica that she made in hopes of giving him company in her absence. “I don’t think he likes it to be honest. He keeps hassling me and being like, ‘When are you coming back.’ So clearly he’s not getting any enjoyment out of it. I need to go home and be with him,” she says, giggling.

I join in, “It doesn’t really live up to you, I guess.”

“It doesn’t really, no,” she replies. “It doesn’t really do anything, it just sits there.”

It’s safe to say that Lance is a smart spider.

At the Phoenix, Lights tosses two paper airplanes with written messages into the crowd. The second aircraft ker-plunks sharply into some girls near the stage. “I hope I didn’t poke your eye out,” she exclaims, laughing.

The song “Ice,” should be her next prospective music video. “It was a really cool, like low budget video. I spent like a week holed up in my apartment making all the cut outs for it so it should be interesting.” Although Lights wants to keep the concept a secret, she says it will be cute. “I don’t actually make an appearance in it until towards the end of it. It’s basically all paper dolls.”

New material she performs in Toronto includes, “Saviour,” “Second Go,” “River,” and a cover of “In the Air Tonight.” She says that while her time on tour usually consists of long commutes and down time in hotels, unwritten songs are always accumulating.

“It just kind of starts to well up inside my mind, all the ideas and everything. It’s in between tours that I get a chance to sit down and finish it all.”

Aside from running out of gas, running into freak blizzards, and getting their GPS jacked, touring has been mellow. As for her superpower of choice, teleportation, it would certainly come in handy while performing.

“You could like go to Moscow and do a show, and then in the same day go to…umm the Yukon Territories and do a show. That would be awesome. And then you could teleport right back to your bed and that would be really good.”

For someone as busy as Lights, it sounds well deserved.

*Featured on Mutedmag.com

McClung's straight off our backs clothing sale

I just finished up some much needed spring cleaning in my closet to donate to this clothing sale and I hope to find some nifty purchases among the discarded remnants of someone else's wardrobe. Who knows why so many pieces of clothing that I purchase lay forgotten, gathering dust. At least this way someone can reap the benefits while soothing my conscience. Your junk is my treasure right? We all win at a clothing sale. Support Ryerson's feminist magazine, McClung's, so we can keep valuable pro-woman literature alive on campus and find some great bargains too.

Happy IWD! Being the door

“Feminism 101: Instead of being the doormat get up and be the door,” says Lillian Allen, looking up at row upon row of cheering women during the International Women’s Day (IWD) Rally.

Her poetry articulates our struggles. “Laugh when they try to bend your back down low.”

We’re in the OISE building at 252 Bloor St. and its starting to rain outside. It’s about 11:30 a.m. on March 7th and inside there are mothers, students, grandmothers, immigrant workers, activists, children, husbands, boyfriends, friends, sons, and daughters. They may not be here for the same reasons by there is a common thread running throughout this auditorium. They are here to support the women that they know, the women that they are, and those they might never meet.

As one speaker bluntly puts it, “We all came off different ships, but we’re in the same boat now.”

The Toronto theme of IWD is “Good Jobs, Dignity for All.”

A good job is something that many women are forced to do without. Minimum wage is $8.00 in Canada. Think about a mother working full time shifts that receives a mere eight dollars for her labour. Think about raising children on that kind of salary. Think about being in debt, paying off loans, and making that kind of money. That’s the reality for many and that’s why IWD is fighting to raise minimum wage to $10.00.

“We will not be quiet and we will not be ignored,” says Judy Vashti Persad, an organizer of the event and our first speaker of the morning. “We must continue to be a movement for all women.”

Now it is time for our morning history lesson. Introduce Rosie the riveter. You know that feminist icon that you see on poster, t-shirts, etc? That woman in the red bandana, flexing her bicep in her blue factory uniform, well she was a real person.
Long before she became an icon of the American feminist movement she was the propaganda poster girl for WWII, urging women to get out into the workforce. This morning two women in bandanas converse on stage in an insightful dialogue about the woman behind the poster, the “Real Rosie.” Rose Will Monroe worked in an aircraft factory in Michigan in 1920 and was featured in a promotional home war effort film, as well as a poster campaign. She even had a theme song, “Rosie the Riveter,” which was performed acoustically by Ryerson Free Press editor Nora Loreto.

“But if war made men out of boys it made feminists out of women,” says a “Rosie” on the stage. As women entered the workforce at the time, some factories started offering services such as daycare. “I wonder what it would take for them to do that today?” enquires one Rosie, igniting audience laughter. This led women’s movements towards unionization for better conditions in the workplace. Today, “Rosie became what all women made her, a symbol of women’s power in the workplace.”

But there is a lack of power over our education. Liana Salvador, the Vice President of Education at Ryerson University’s Student Union, takes the stage to articulate her realizations about facing academic obstacles. “High tuition fees disproportionately affect women,” she says. She recounts her experience as a woman of color, working in low paying jobs, in debt, to finance her education. “My government is giving me a really shoddy deal.”

Currently earning her second University degree, Liana is over $50,000 in debt. “Hey Dalton, I didn’t make as much this summer, can I pay half? That’s not going to happen,” she says.

Instead of channeling money into the military, the Canadian government should be funding our education system, because debt is crippling female students. “We need to stop being underpaid, undervalued and under funded,” says Salvador.

Next to take the stage is a woman who discusses the value of IWD, and asks women to consider contributing an hour’s worth of their pay, or any amount within their ability, towards funding this event. She explains the meaning behind each Canadian bill. For example, the fifty dollar bill features the Famous Five-Emily Murphy, Nellie McClung, Irene Parlby, Henrietta Muir Edwards, and Louise McKinney- who fought for the “Persons” Case, giving women civil rights and the status of person under British Privy Council.
She says that because the government hardly wants women thinking of feminism every time they purchase a coffee, they imprint a monumental achievement in women’s right on a bill that some of us rarely see.

The twenty dollar bill, featuring Elizabeth II, Queen of England, is one woman that will never have to worry about her pension or replacing a hip, says our speaker, to swells of laughter from the audience. “I hope there are a few bills floating around now,” she says, with a wide smile, as jingling buckets pass from hand to hand.

Two women who work at the Toronto Rape Crisis Centre stand beside each other, telling stories of sexual abuse that span miles. The auditorium is silent, as their voices confront the pain, the numbness and the healing. They speak of abuse at the hands of family and strangers, the depression, the sense of betrayal towards those that should have loved them.

One woman is older, with a long braid of grey and white locks hanging down her back. The other is young, in a t-shirt and jeans with a mass of small curls framing her face. She says, “My heart aches that even my brother didn’t spare me.” The older woman answers, “Neither did mine.”

“I called and called the shelters. ‘Sorry, no bed again. Call again.’”

“I swore I would never let my heart feel again.”

“All I longed for was to be loved.”

“It happened again, it must be my fault.”

“Afraid to trust.”

“Afraid to leave my daughter with anyone.”

“I am proud of the feminist I have become.”

The other answers, “It was never my fault.”

Our last performer before we head out to march, with signs and banners in hand, is Michelle St. Bernard, a.k.a. Belladonna. Her lyrics hinge together, smashing into one another, like cars on a freight train. The links are powerful and the impact is heavy, forcing you to see the tracks her mind has followed. “I’m so low in the barrel that you don’t believe it.”

“I’m so low on the totem pole I’m about to grow roots.”

The tracks end with, “I’m so strong, cuz you’re so strong, and we’re so strong.”

“We got to get up.”

It may be raining, but we get up.

I shake life

I shake life
Rattle it like a box full of nails and pins
Jiggle it till it does something for me
Thump it till it answers, comes to fruition
Thrash it till it produces something valuable
Hammer it till it AGREES WITH EVERYTHING I SAY
Strike it till I think I’m God
Then hurl it to the ground
Curl up in the corner, frustrated….unable to win
But my better half is there beside me
She’s watching me struggle
Her smile is one I don’t always see
When I think like she does everything is clear
Life isn’t about winning or losing
It’s about living
I feel the sun on my face again
I walk in my own shoes again
I can look down at the sad side of myself
The scared, angry, self-deprecating side
I look closer
Squinting
I see myself
Standing there, not worthy to exist
Hiding in plain daylight
Running from her shadow
And I say simply,
“I want to be your friend.”
“I want to show you love.”
I see her blink in surprise
Taken aback
She asks me, “Really?”
Too good to be true
“Yes,” I say. “This is what I will do.”
“I will hold your hand.”
“I will accept you for who you are.”
“When you get off track, I won’t punish you.”
“I will be gentle with you, every day.”
“Until you can be gentle with yourself.”
She asks again, blinking back tears, “Really?”
“Yes.”
There are no conditions, no string attached
I hold no carrot to tempt her
All I offer is to embrace all that she is
“Yes,” I say again.
There’s a joyful, warm ache in my breast, pulsing under the flesh
I feel it well up,
Like birds trying to escape, beating their wings
Like the sunrise breaking through the trees,
As I tell her, utterly sure,
“Yes.”

International Women's Day

International Women’s Day (IWD) is celebrated globally on March 8th to celebrate women’s accomplishments but also to remember the battles we have fought for rights. These days many young women take for granted what the second wave of feminism achieved in improving equality.

They may think that women’s rights have been won. We can vote right? Many of us can get an education, we can work in careers that were formerly reserved for men, we can get divorced and own property. But that’s only the tip of the iceberg.

Think about the fact that in 2009, women still aren’t paid for equal work of equal value in the workplace. Think about the glass ceiling that still exists in jobs where motherhood ultimately devalues women’s contributions on the workplace. If a father goes to pick up their sick child he’s a saint. If a mother does it, it’s commonplace, hardly noteworthy, or even frowned upon as negligence of one’s job. In terms of reproductive control we still face obstacles.

Don’t forget that in Canada there is still conflict over a woman’s right to autonomy over her body. On March 5th, 2008 the “Unborn Victims of Crime Act” passed second reading in Parliament (Bill C-484). This would amend the criminal code and lay separate charges in the death of a fetus when a pregnant woman is attacked. This is a slippery slope towards criminalizing abortion, and giving personhood rights to fetus’, which infringes on women’s rights, as outlined in the Canadian Charter of Rights and Freedoms.

In this day and age, our bodies are still not our own. And if you think about women’s rights globally, it seems there is a steep hill to climb. If we look outside our own privileges, whether they are based on class, race, ability, sexual orientation or religion, the world isn’t as rosy and equal as we thought it was.

IWD is a time to remember our past, but also to celebrate what we have done, and work towards future growth. There are different Women’s Day themes, marches and gatherings all over the world on Saturday, and in Canada the theme of 2009 is: “Strong Leadership. Strong Women. Strong World: Equality.” Watch this video for our opinions.

In Toronto there will be a Rally at the OISE Auditorium 252 Bloor St. (St. George Subway Station) at 11 a.m. with speakers and performers to hear before the march. The theme of the rally is "The Rising of the Women is the Rising of Us All !"

Thousands of women’s groups and unions will join together, marching to Ryerson University, where the IWD Fair will be held from 3-5 p.m. in the Student Centre (55 Gould St.).

So come out if you want to rally for women’s rights, because justice for all women is something that we can work for, instead of burying our heads in the sand. It’s as simple as believing in equality for all people.

Playing with control in the bedroom

SMACK. Leather hits flesh.

"Tell me what you know!"

SMACK. He's bent over, taut cheeks getting redder.

"Answer your mistress!"

SMACK, SMACK. You know he won't comply, and that gets you both excited.

If you're into bondage and sadomasochism (BDSM), consensual role playing can take on unlimited dimensions.

According to Mistress Patricia Marsh, a professional dominatrix who runs the House of Domination and Fantasy in Toronto, personality doesn't indicate whether you're a dom or a sub.

"It's only in a context of sexuality," says Marsh. "There's nothing that characterizes one or the other."

So you've picked a safe word and it's business time. From torturing your enemy to rewarding your slave here's what you need to know:

Develop a style
"Find inspiration that connects with your character traits," says Viktoria Kalenteris, a Toronto sex educator. Use a character from a book or movie and take it to an intimate level.
Feel an affinity with Lara Croft? Strap on your holsters. A costume can get you in that mind frame and set the atmosphere. According to Marsh, keep your demands specific, like, "Keep your mouth open. Squeeze your nipples. Spread your legs." Make them thank you. It's more embarrassing.

Plan your attack
Arrange the scene and create guidelines. Communicate your likes and dislikes.
"There need to be hard limits," says Marsh. Determine a barometer of force by starting off gradually and caressing between each blow. Bend them over your lap and tease their naughty bits. Or, suggests Marsh, "Stick your finger in their ass, because it's right there."
Who can deny that logic.

Be imaginative
Use household objects like a hairbrush or your SOC text for naughty punishment. Buy some neck ties at Goodwill for thrifty and effective bondage. Make use of bed, table and chair legs for binding.

Heighten the senses
A blindfold amplifies everyday foreplay. Contrast sensations of ice and heat, pain and pleasurable toys. Use only your vagina or penis to touch their body. "They won't be thinking of laundry," says Marsh.

Gather intelligence
Know what you're getting into before you play, says Kalenteris. Check out Encyclokink, a user generated resource on the online BDSM community, Triskelionsociety.com. Or take a handson workshop. Kalenteris hosts Fetish 4play and Kinky 4play, a pair of monthly interactive events in Toronto. Sex shops like Good for Her and Come as You Are also offer sessions on everything from role play to flogging and rope binding. You'll be hog-tying like a pro in no time.

Take it up a notch
If you'd like to break out of the bedroom take a peek at EhBC.ca for a calendar featuring some local and Canada-wide kinky events. Hook up with other attention whores like yourself and get inspired.

Be aware
When immobilizing someone, make sure not to cut off circulation and that knots aren't digging into the flesh. Don't tie someone in an extreme position that will cause discomfort over time. Avoid taking a Facebook break. In case of an emergency, asserts Marsh, "You're responsible, because they can't be responsible for themselves." So don't leave. Period. Don't do anything unexpected and use common sense, says Marsh.

"Don't put your cock in a fucking frying pan."

*This article is featured in Ryerson's student run newspaper, The Eyeopener Love & Sex Issue.